Journal 12/12/08

I went to my neurosurgeon yesterday to schedule my spinal fusion surgery.  I was pleased to find out that I can have both the lumbar and the thorasic done at the same time.  Now I am only facing two surgeries instead of three.

The bad news is, this first surgery comes with a long and hard recovery, according to my surgeon.  I think reality slapped me in the face.  Although I knew I was facing surgeries, I now am very scared of the recovery.  I have been through an awful lot the past year and have handled an extreme amount of pain, but I am terrified of this.

Not only will this be a long hard recovery, but before I can even have the surgery, I have to lose 20 pounds.  How the heck am I suppose to do that in all of this pain and not being able to exercise?  I already don’t eat much, because the meds. I am on make me not want to eat.  I don’t know what to do.

Also, I was looking forward to getting back on my RA meds. in January, since I have been off since August due to my staph infection.  I talked with my rheumy last night and she said that I cannot start them again until a month and a half after my surgery.  That will be April.  I am now scared of what the disease is doing to my joints because I am off the RA meds.  It is never ending for me.

I will continue to pray that God takes control and will guide me through all of this, but I just needed to vent today.

Thanks for listening,

Kim