Journal – 1/6/09
Well, the Holidays are over and we are all back to reality. Christmas was awesome for me. My kids were happy and it made me happy to see them happy. We had a great time while they were out of school and my hubby got lots of days off. Now, I am home alone again and in pain.
A few days ago, I started to feel more and more pain, and now today the pain is so bad, I could scream. Went shopping (in a wheel chair) on Sunday with my daughter, sisters and Mom for my daughters 13th B-Day, and was in pain by the time I got home. Yesterday, I was in pain from the day before for most of the morning, but by afternoon, I was able to do some cleaning of the house. By evening, my legs were hurting so bad, I wanted to take them off.
Today, I could hardly get myself out of the bed to get my girls off to school. I am in slow mo today. I finally got out of the house around noon to go to the tag office to get my handicap sticker. Up until today, I thought it was no big deal, even kind of cool to be getting one, but reality hit me in the face, while standing in a 30 minutes line to get it. The longer I stood there, the more my back, hips and legs started hurting, and by the time I got the place card in my hand and was headed to my car, I was devastated that I, at only 36yrs. of age, had to have a handicap place card for my car.
What in the world happened to me, where did my life go? Six years ago, I was happy and felt healthy and having the time of my life, and now all I can do is sit here and wait for surgeries.
I go this Thursday for a neurodynamic study of my bladder, because I am having trouble emptying it. They think it is either the narcotics, or the nerves from my back causing it.
Next week I have two appointments. On Tuesday, I go to the rhuemy for my regular check up and Thursday I go back to the surgeon to schedule my spinal fusion surgery. That is all I do lately, go to the doctor.
Sorry this isn’t a happy journal, but it is my feelings for today. I do hope that everyone had a wonderful Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. I am still praying that God will work some miracles in my life in 2009 and pray the same for you.
Lots of Love,
Kim
ramom
:0( I’m sorry things are so hard still.
I know just what you mean about it being so perplexing to still be young and facing the realities of not moving like you once did. I’m finding myself more and more using the store wheelchairs, or bringing my cane, and I’ve spent hours trying to plan how and when, and what kind of walker I’m gunna get soon. I’m not even 30 yet. And my family (outside of my home) don’t seem to be too understanding. My mom says things like “I ache too, but you can’t let it stop you” as if needing these aids is a cop-out and I’m not using enough will power to stand tall and strong. And that really hurts because I’d give anything it seems to rid myself of this, and I know that’s true for you and everyone else with AS/RA too.
I don’t think you have to apologize for it not being a happy post. It’s the reality you are faced with, and the things you need people to pray along side you with.
I’m really curious about the bladder thing because I have that issue too and no one has really looked into it. The tech at the Gyno office just told me I had a very good set of kidney’s, but really it’s bothersome. I need to meed with my rheumy and talk about stuff so I guess I’ll bring that up to her too. I’m not on narcotics, so I’m not sure what other triggers there are, I’ve just thought it’s been part of the inflammation. When I talked with my physical therapist she was only concerned about if I had control or not, so I’m not sure which doc to talk to, but I haven’t yet with my rheumy so I’ll do that soon.
Oh, and as much as I want to make all these appointments I know my body needs, I’m probably going to wait until Feb, because this month my hubby and I have training for Foster adoption all month and I’m already worried about if I’ll be strong enough to leave the house so many nights a week, especially with my poor attendance to church.
Well, I’m logging off to take a nap before orientation tonight.
Praying for you too,
Crystal
celestialfreak
January 6, 2009
Hello Kim. I too am a Christian and it was no accident that I came across your blog. I have been hurting all over and arthritis runs in my family. In other words it is a generational curse. I have been praying to the Lord about my pain and asking what the root of it is. To every disease there is a root. Well I was shocked to say the least and cried when I heard our precious Lord and Saviour tell me that I had resentment in my heart. I repented and asked Him to deliever me. This has been 2 days ago and Sister I promise you I feel the hand of God upon me like never before! My pain is going away. I do not hurt like I did! For the past 2 years I would hurt so bad that I would stay up all night!! The root of any kind of arthritis is bitterness, resentment, feeling like you have been wronged by others, holding grudges, etc. Search your heart Sister and see if you feel this way towards anyone. Then when you realize which it is release it to the Lord and repent. Ask God to deliever you from these feelings. It may be instant or it may be a process. I promise you when you get on your face before the Lord and repent of this He will free you. Whom the son sets free is free indeed. I love you Sweet Sister and you are in my prayers. Arthritis is a painful disease and my heart goes out to you. God bless you and I pray the healing touch of Jesus flows through you now in Jesus name! We serve an awesome God and He wants to heal you. Believe and receive!!:)
missneets
January 7, 2009
Hello
missneets
January 7, 2009