Confessions – 2003

I am a Work in Progress

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved you [as My chosen instrument]“.

He does not approve of our wrong behavior He is committed to us as individuals.

Wrong behavior…let’s explore that for a minute, at least mine anyway.  There was time in my life when I would have been embarrassed to be God’s “chosen instrument”.  Several years ago, I was starting to get really depressed.  It was getting hard working with my parents and depression was slowly creeping in.  Tony and I finally decided that with the money we were spending in gas and daycare, it would be beneficial for me to quit work and stay home.  To be here for my girls was a great thing, something I had always wanted. 

The problem was, it was very hard to leave my job, since I had been there nine years and was able to raise both of my girls there the first two years of their lives.  Being a family business, I was able to bring them to work with me every day.  My grandmother, my parents and I took turns taking care of them.  That of course, made them very rotten, not just the girls, but my parents also.  I love my parents dearly and it broke their hearts when I left, but it was something I had to do for myself and my family.  

Although we were saving money by not paying for daycare, it was nice to have some extra so; I started cleaning houses, while the girls were in school.  Even though the money situation was better, I had a hard time with my self esteem and just wasn’t feeling well at all.   I started drinking alcohol daily.  I would start the minute Tony got home from work around 4pm, and drink until I went to bed.  I would drink like a fish on the weekends.  It finally got to the point where Tony was beginning to see a problem and my 8 year old, Meagan, started to notice.  I was starting to feel like I was out of control.   I tried to get it a grip on things, so I slowed down some, but I didn’t quit.  It was hard!  I really enjoyed it, it numbed the pain; I think I was starting to get addicted.

Finally, God spoke to my heart and told me that I needed to convince Tony that going to church would change our lives, and would help me get out of the alcohol mess I was in.  We had never been to church our entire marriage, so this wasn’t going to be easy.  God was continuously working in my life to change me for the better. 

Finally, Easter Sunday, 2003, I convinced Tony to go to Church, “one time”.  I had grown up in church and missed it terribly.  I remembered how much fun I had as a kid in Sunday school and choir, so I wanted the girls to experience what I had all those years ago.  I knew the Bible said we should raise our children in the church, so this was something I felt very strongly about.  I wanted them to grow up to be Godly Women. 

Tony said he would go on Easter and that the girls and I could go anytime we wanted to.  He said he would go occasionally, but not all the time.  I wasn’t thrilled about going without him, but the girls had such a great time, that I couldn’t tell them no.  I did wish that Tony would go with me, I didn’t like the fact that he was suppose to be the spiritual leader of the house and I was the only one going to church.

After many conversations about what the girls and I were experiencing at church, I did actually convince him to go more than once.  It didn’t take him long to realize what he was missing, then he absolutely fell in love with the preacher.  The church welcomed us with open arms and we started to meet new people and joined a Sunday school class.  After going several weeks, we realized some of the members were people we knew from high school; that made Tony feel very comfortable. 

We had our hands in everything at church, from teaching Sunday school, to running the cheer leading program.  We even attended extra Bible classes and started to learn more about God and the kind of Christians we should be.  I was always doing something at church and loved every minute of it.  Things were going so well that Tony and Meagan were baptized on December 7, 2003 and we joined the church.  God was really working in our lives, and we were making great new relationships and having a great time worshiping and serving the Lord.