In PAIN and ANGRY!!! – Oct. 10, 2008
The pain is too much today!!!!! I have been stuck in this house recovering from a Staph infection for 7 weeks now; I tried to go out and FINALLY help my family with the grocery shopping, and today I am paying for it. They have been doing everything for me and my husband really wanted me to go with them. He hates shopping without me, he says it takes him too long!
Anyway, I reluctantly went, and now, today, I am in so much pain I CANNOT stand it!!! My hips and lower back are in excruciating pain that radiates down my legs. Every time I do something like that, stand or walk for a long period of time, I am in pain for 2-3 days after. I told my husband I didn’t feel good the minute he got home from work yesterday, but he insisted I go with them. I understand totally, that he works all day and is providing for us, while I sit here and type, but he does not understand the pain I am in!
Before we left the store, we were arguing…I was in pain and ill, saying things I shouldn’t have said, and he was arguing back with me. It was not a good situation. By the time we got in the car, I was in so much pain, I told him I thought he was selfish for not wanting to go by himself, and that just because my actual wounds are starting to heal, doesn’t mean that my disease is healing. He just doesn’t get it! Maybe, I just don’t get it! We didn’t go to bed angry, we try not to do that, but this morning…..I AM ANGRY!!!! I AN IN PAIN!!!! I feel like I am out of control, I am not myself and I HATE it!!!!
“God, please take this pain from me and guide me through this day;. Please forgive me for being angry and for not understanding why I have to go through this every time I try to do something. Father, forgive me for the words I said to my husband and for the feelings I felt towards him, help me please, Lord, to be more understanding of his situation also. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
Poet John Donne wrote:
“Of all the miseries that people experience, sickness is greater than any of them…In poverty I lack things and in banishment I lack the company of other people, but in sickness I lack myself.”
ramom
Just had some time to read your blog. I HATE how much pain you’re in and apparently it was horrible Friday. Not really sure what to say (between tears), so I’m just going to say what I feel after reading this. You have an amazing husband and I know you know that. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to sit at home hurting while he goes and does. But I’m sure it’s just as hard for him to go and do without you. Please know that you can call me anytime, any day, or night. Even if it’s just for me to listen to you cry or talk…I’m here. It may not feel like it, but I am. I love you.
Jennifer Orr
October 14, 2008
Dear sister is Christ,
I haven’t even yet finished reading this post yet before my need to comment, so I’m gunna get back to finish reading in a second, but I want you to know reading this sounds so much like me! When you wrote “I understand totally, that he works all day and is providing for us, while I sit here and type, but he does not understand the pain I am in!” That sounds verbatim like things I’ve said. The same is true for me too. In my Blogger profile I say “I’ve accepted that this is what I have to live with. That I can still be used for Christ here at home sitting in my pj’s writing on-line and praying for others.” and it’s so true… While I’m sorry to see someone else suffering this road, I’m comforted slightly to know I’m not alone.
Crystal of Crystal's Randomness
October 16, 2008
I’m so glad to see you prayerful return to Christ to seek strength and understanding through this. It is so hard, I know. I also know that desire to lead others to understand just how hard things are. Often times I’m told things that aren’t really relevant, truths like “God doesn’t desire His children to suffer” and so on. But it still doesn’t change the fact that my body is the worst bully I know and it still gets me down.
My hubby has had a super hard time understanding sometimes, because it is an invisible illness. When I started telling him that the reason it gets me down so much is because it feels like a bully that was something he could sort of get. But for him to understand the limitations, I don’t think he ever truly could. Sometimes I remind him when he’s sick with a flu that often times that’s the kind of limitations I feel most of the time. I think a hard thing for others to understand too is seeing out good days. On my birthday I hiked and enjoyed 3 miles in the forrest. Last week I struggled through a one mile fundraiser walk, and today, crawling out of bed was my victory.
Personally my biggest frustration isn’t so much others reactions, but my own limitations. The house is a complete disaster, piles of dishes, that only 2 weeks ago had been completely done, and not by my doing but by dear friends from church. Since I don’t have children I don’t have any little helpers and while my church sisters are lovingly and willingly able to help, it still takes an emotional toll to call them up and ask for that help. One of my friends mentioned coming on a weekly basis and I know this will help, but it hurts emotionally knowing I just can’t be as good of a housewife as I want to be, or as my husband needs of me.
Again I just want to affirm you that you are not alone with this struggle. I think that hip arthritis and A.S. makes mobility harder than someone who simply has arthritis in their hands. I have family members with other forms of arthritis who can’t seem to understand why I’m so limited and I’m only 29.
I hope my response is of comfort to you.
Crystal of Crystal's Randomness
October 16, 2008
I feel for you and want to let you know I know of a nutritional suppliment that will change your life forever. I am not saying that I have a great passion to introduce this product to the world as it has done wonders for me and my family. I would like to discuss with you if you are open to thinking outside the box of medication.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Nancy
lovemykids2
December 11, 2008
Sister it is hard for others to understand our pain. Just the other day my husband said,, “I believe you are in alot of pain.” That made me feel so good to know that he understands. I am not as bad as you my dear but nevertheless it is a painful disease. Father in the name of Jesus heal us from the top of our heads to the bottom of our feet. Make us whole in Jesus name. God bless you. Jesus loves you and has not forgotten about you precious daughter of the Most High God.
missneets
January 9, 2009